He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
