waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
