People in love make me want to vomit
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
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