Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
