got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
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