I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
