You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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