you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
