best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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