as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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