im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize