I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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