note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize