I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Randomize
