you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
