? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
