you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Do vagina's smell?
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
