at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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