It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
