This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
