what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
My vagina just clenched in fear
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
