I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize