Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
did you just send me my own nude
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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