ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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