its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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