how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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