I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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