I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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