He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
