just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
