I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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