Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
