he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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