dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
