5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
