Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I checked into jail on foursquare
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
