Heybabeimwearingurpanties
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
