well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
where does the pee come out of this thing
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Randomize
