But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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