super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
