This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
there's paper in my vomit.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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