Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
