don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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