Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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