Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
