I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
