Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
