508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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