Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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