I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
