I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
