Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
