if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Randomize
