I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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