He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
