I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Randomize
