just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
