I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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