I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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