I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
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