Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
