Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
