You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
