made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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