Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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