tell your sister to shave her snatch
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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