you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
We have started to decorate penises.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
