my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize