dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
