Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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