high people should be assigned attendants
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
