dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
