you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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