Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
