Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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