She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
