Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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