very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
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