nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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