it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
vagina is talking i cant
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
COCAINE IS GR8
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
