I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I smell like Dick and happiness
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