So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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