I wanna bring you to show and tell
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
