Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
