I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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