I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
