CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
