I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Randomize
