I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
