I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
