i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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