A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Randomize