tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
