do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
