I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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