I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
