you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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