my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
