can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
