Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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