She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
