If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
